Today… has been a day. It’s been a day that I’ve been in such a mood, I shut off my phone a few minutes ago because I knew I was being too rude to who I was talking to.
I miss my church. I miss it so stinking much. It kills me.
No, I’m not over seas or out of town. I was at work.
Last time I had a foot in my church? An exact month ago.
Today, the need to be at my church was so overwhelming, I got angry with myself. Truly angry. Then, everything got me angry. My tire needs to be replaced, which means all of my tires need to be replaced. A friend was trying to joke with me, but I took it personally. I’m turning into someone I’ve sworn I’d never become, and that irritates me to no end. I over analyze, I criticize yet can’t handle any form of criticism. I dwell on things. I want things that I can’t have, and never will.
I want to be happy.
We all want that don’t we?
I come home after work, to an empty house. Watch tv, read a little, then lay in bed and think of how nice it would be to just have someone there to talk to. Then I think of my list of things I want in my apartment before I start inviting people over more often. Also, I think of how much money that will cost and think of how many hours of work I would need to do. Lastly, I think of how I will fail at it and just become someone who works and sleeps and never lays eyes on friends and family.
Family? Ha. I’m a part of a family that is so screwed up we don’t even know how it all started.
I want to be the person who doesn’t care what others think. Who speaks her mind, does what she wants and feels, and lives with no regrets. Man, the regrets pile up though. I even sometimes regret thinking something, even if I haven’t done it. Insane!
Argh! Rant rant rant.
I’m having one of those days. How about you?