Day 18: One of those days..

Today… has been a day. It’s been a day that I’ve been in such a mood, I shut off my phone a few minutes ago because I knew I was being too rude to who I was talking to.

I miss my church. I miss it so stinking much. It kills me.

No, I’m not over seas or out of town. I was at work.

Last time I had a foot in my church? An exact month ago.

Today, the need to be at my church was so overwhelming, I got angry with myself. Truly angry. Then, everything got me angry. My tire needs to be replaced, which means all of my tires need to be replaced. A friend was trying to joke with me, but I took it personally. I’m turning into someone I’ve sworn I’d never become, and that irritates me to no end. I over analyze, I criticize yet can’t handle any form of criticism. I dwell on things. I want things that I can’t have, and never will.

I want to be happy.

We all want that don’t we?

I come home after work, to an empty house. Watch tv, read a little, then lay in bed and think of how nice it would be to just have someone there to talk to. Then I think of my list of things I want in my apartment before I start inviting people over more often. Also, I think of how much money that will cost and think of how many hours of work I would need to do. Lastly, I think of how I will fail at it and just become someone who works and sleeps and never lays eyes on friends and family.

Family? Ha. I’m a part of a family that is so screwed up we don’t even know how it all started.

I want to be the person who doesn’t care what others think. Who speaks her mind, does what she wants and feels, and lives with no regrets. Man, the regrets pile up though. I even sometimes regret thinking something, even if I haven’t done it. Insane!

Argh! Rant rant rant.

I’m having one of those days. How about you?


About mefetterhoff

From baking, buttons and blogging, all my thoughts typed out on a website. View all posts by mefetterhoff

2 responses to “Day 18: One of those days..

  • Anonymous

    Days of silence can be healthy…healing…

    Sometimes we write letters never meaning to be sent.

    Sometimes others read those letters…

    Sometimes we speak our thoughts out loud b4 we consider the emotional damage it can inflict without ourselves editing first.

    Sometimes we need distance in order to breathe…to meditate…to pray…to heal our personal space.

    Sometimes we forget to shutup…and just listen.

    Sometimes families scatter because our own perceptions of unconditional love was not fullfilled to our needs.

    Smiles, hugs, laughter, love…living in the present moment as we want to show others how we have overcome major obstacles…to quit thinking of losses, of damage, of scars…and to just love and show love no matter what conditions are met that we desire.

    Once we recognize that we are the ones that create the harmony of our own needs…then all we ever need to know is that we were put on this earth to love, to heal, to keep God’s light in us in all ways, and to never let any one person lead us to paths unhealthy.

    One of those days…

  • Anonymous

    Never regret. Only this moment counts. live it in truth…in kindness…

    In this moment, cause no harm. There is no past or future.

    We are created in God’s image. All of us are. The only evilness we can control, is how we live in the moment. How much honesty…how much truth…how much unconditional love we show to all…

    God puts us through tests in life…How we act…how we react…

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