An over analyzer
My own worst critic
A bad listener
Way too judging
Unorganized and can be too organized
I know some of those contradict others, but that’s me.
I have been presented an opportunity to do what I know is my calling and I’ve been scared to death for the past two days over it. I’ve dissected the good and bad from it, the doors it could open and close, and I have yet to learn the details. I’ve felt as though the person presenting it might have more faith in me than he should, even though I trust him to be a man God talks to like a friend. He didn’t tell me that God ‘told’ him I’m supposed to fit that role (but he didn’t say He didn’t tell him either). He’s left it open for me to pray and decide what God is leading me to. Lets just say, I am my worst critic with this.
I have been so negative about how I would do at this job. I’ve already said I’ll fail at it, disappointing the man presenting this opportunity to me, and miss representing my church and mostly my God. One thing I’ve learned in life is that if you set yourself up for failure, you will fail. I haven’t even been given the job and I already suck at it.
Some of you might know, (and if not, you’re about to..) I am on a drama/dance team that is a group of people who dance as a way of worshiping God and ministering to others. It’s amazing. I love doing it. To me, it’s a way of worship that I can do, that others can see Christ through.
It races my heart, leaves me broken AND lifted up. I feel closer to God while dancing than when doing anything else.***
I tell you that to tell you about a song we are learning to do a dance to. No, not to brag or boast about what we do, but to brag and boast about who we do it for. The song is called “I am”.
Now, this song is powerful. At this VERY moment I am listening to it and can barely type because I have tears streaming down my face. (Go ahead and add ‘overly emotional’ to the list up top..) The lyrics tell who Christ says He is.
The Almighty God
The one for who nothing is to hard
I am the good news to bound and the poor.
The righteous one
The ram in the bush for Abraham
The ultimate sacrifice for sin
Your high priest
Your future, so leave your past behind
The one in the midst of two or three
Relief from your stress
Your Freedom this very Hour!”
It doesn’t even begin to describe who my Heavenly Father is, but it’s still such a wonderful description. When I dance to it, I feel as if He is singing over me… (who else just thought of the song Amazed by Lincoln Brewster??)
Today – well, tonight – I came home and began to heat up my leftovers for dinner (chicken fajitas two nights in a row??? Yessss.) I had my computer set up in the kitchen playing a playlist on YouTube. Guess what song came on? Yeah, you guessed it, “I Am”. I began to dance and worship (and cry). When the song was done, it hit me. I mean, brick thrown in the face type of hit. He is.
If I trust Him in leading me on the right path, and honor God with my life, HE WILL BLESS IT AND BE HONORED WITH IT.
No matter what I choose, He WILL be glorified. No matter what I choose, He WILL be blessed. No matter what I do, He WILL be lifted high. And, no matter what I do, He WILL love me for loving and living for Him.
But the whole point of this post is, it doesn’t matter who I am, it’s all about who He was, who He is, and who He promises to be. He says it, teaches it, and represents it throughout the Bible “I am who I am” (Exodus 3:14)
*** I would like to point out, praying, reading my Bible and meditating on Him draws me close to God in different ways. I love talking to Him and learning from Him, but worship is my favorite way of connecting with Him.